he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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