"it" just moved
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
