I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
accomplished twins. life is a go
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
