i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
