nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
