i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
