You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
