She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Never underestimate the power of titties
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