I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
