i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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