I just cut my nipple shaving
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
