i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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