her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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