Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
