My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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