Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize