I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
