I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize