She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
