It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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