Moan for me like Helen Keller
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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