I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
