Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
