I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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