I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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