Well apparently he's into motor boating.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
