Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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