I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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