Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
