ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
