dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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