I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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