dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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