I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
