Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
