who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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