I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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