don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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