when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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