Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize