It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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