i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
