We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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