I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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