I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
