dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
