That's when you crack a 10am beer
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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