So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize