Your face is a jimmy john
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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