I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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