I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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