A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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