I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
