All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
