oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
