Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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