I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
