Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
