69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
