Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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