I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Pappa wants mamma naked
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
