Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
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