I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
