so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize