I met the friendliest cop last night
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
