So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The adults are the big ones right?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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