Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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