You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I hate all girls vehemently.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
