Please, let me fuck your mom
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
