toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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