If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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