I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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