Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
