i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
