Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
