I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
