Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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