You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
