Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
