we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
